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Deeper Purposeful Questions

Why are you here on this earth?

What is your purpose, if you associate yourself with one?

Rest assured this is not an existentialist treatise but something simpler.

These types of questions are popular in every culture. The journey called life with its twists and turns is quite a trip. We trudge along through childhood to adulthood experiencing a various events while learning, growing, falling and getting up again.

In the West we live in a society that tries to mould us into conditioned men and women. Go with the crowd, listen to the media and governmental officials. Don’t buck the system because the system works.

Does it really?

At some point, everyone asks themselves deeper purposeful questions while searching for the truth. Many times painful circumstances compel us to stop and contemplate life.

I’m drawn to a passage by Dr. Alex Lickerman who writes in The Undefeated Mind: On the Science of Constructing an Indestructible Self: “Nietzsche once wrote that he who has a why to live can bear almost any how. According to Nichiren Buddhism, however, not every why is created equal. To build the strongest life force possible – one that can bear the weight of any how – Nichiren Buddhism argues we need a why to live that in some way involves contributing to the well-being of others.”

Foggy Mornings

I’m up in the mountains as I write this enjoying solitude and peace. This morning there’s a thick fog hovering over the home.

As I sit outside taking in the stunning morning, I realise many times become stuck in a spiritual fog. Our perspective is skewed and we can’t see beyond our current circumstances or ego.

The fog made it impossible to see the beautiful view this morning, so I closed my eyes and tried to imagine it. I know it’s there beyond the fog and I know it will be visible in a few hours when the fog lifts.

Likewise, when we experience darkness, we act less than graceful. We become frustrated, succumbing to negativity and cannot see beyond the fog. We believe the situation will continue forever and get mired in bad moods. We fail to realise that foggy mornings turn into gorgeous days.

Sit In The Fog

I sat in the fog this morning and enjoyed the stillness and majesty of nature. I watched clouds of fog inch towards me. I liken it to the stillness of mornings that flows through us.

I haven’t taken time to just sit still for weeks because of the busyness that overwhelmed me. Sometimes we need to ground ourselves in Mother Nature; to reconnect with our roots so to speak.

Time away is worthwhile, but what about everyday life?

Do you let the hustle and bustle of everyday living overpower you?

Do you need to be busy all the time?

Even if you are busy with things that matter, do you compromise time for meditation and sitting quietly to reconnect with yourself?

We need to make time to sit in the fog and find our bearings. But many of us are caught up with agendas and to do lists, we forget to come home to ourselves until it’s too late. And by then it can be too late.

“It isn’t life’s “content” that determines its value. It’s the awareness you bring to it, moment to moment. It’s attention itself. Presence is its same self regardless of the particulars of the moment,” affirms author Jan Frazier in The Freedom of Being: At Ease with What Is.

Do You Want Answers?

If you want answers to your life’s purpose or your next step, make time for you. Time to sit and be still. Time to walk in nature and reconnect with yourself. Time to contemplate, breathe and relax. Quiet your mind.

If you want answers, make it a priority to retreat into silence.

Switch the mobile device on silent for a moment. I promise you, nothing will change. Facebook will still be there and so too will your Instagram followers.

Life’s journey is simple and believe it or not, you are in control more than you think. If things are not the way you like them to be, make changes. I give you permission to change your circumstances.

Get up earlier, stay up later. Go away for a few days. Go for a walk. Turn the TV and computer off. Leave your cell phone at home or turn it off. We are addicted to technology so much so that our attention span has burnt out.

A reader recently wrote a comment on an article I wrote that highlights this point of view. She said: “Teaching people to observe their surroundings and thoughts, in a way that creates being in the present moment, is a difficult process for many to grasp. When I take clients outside to observe nature, they often are confused about why the present moment is important. The constant stimulation of our brains by electronics changes our neural pathways. We have lost our connection to the earth and the positive effect it has when we are still and take notice.”

I was a little saddened that people are confused why the present moment is important. Because that is ALL you have! There is no tomorrow or past, but many people process them in the present moment while “it” (present moment) slips through their fingers.

Something must give if you want a better life. You can’t keep doing the same things while expecting conditions to improve. The fog represents the fog of separation and the illusion that blinds you from the truth.

Your truth differs from my truth, yet they are the one true constant in our lives. They are our compass and if we lose our bearings what assurances are there we will find our way back again?

It’s what author Donald Altman means when he says in Clearing Emotional Clutter: “If you tell yourself something long enough, you might end up believing it, even if it has no basis in truth.”

Rediscover what is important to you and pursue it passionately. The fog will eventually lift and reveal another day, yet your time is limited and you don’t want to keep dragging your heels hoping for a better life.

It is here and NOW, when you set the intention to live intentionally. Only then will you experience life cascading through you in its infinite glory.

How would you rate your fear of speaking? Do you dread getting up in front of a group to make a presentation? Do you have trouble sleeping the night before you are scheduled to speak to a group? Are you filled with anxiety the last 30 minutes before you are introduced to speak? If you answered, “yes,” to any of the above questions, you’re not alone. Public speaking is dreaded by millions of people around the world. Approximately 75% of the population has some level of stage fright or fear of speaking in public. It’s at the top of the list when people are asked to rank their greatest fears. Think about that! Speaking in public is a greater fear than the fear of death, which comes in at number two- we’re talking about some serious fear!

Over the past twenty-five years as an executive coach, I have worked with dozens of clients who have a significant fear of speaking. Here are just a few fears they’ve expressed:

• I mostly fear the questions and I’m afraid I’ll appear like I’m under-qualified to present.
• My biggest fear is totally losing track of where I am in the presentation and it will be obvious to everyone.
• My greatest fear is looking like an idiot who doesn’t know what I’m talking about!
• I tend to get too wordy and detailed. I’m afraid I’ll lose their interest and they’ll be bored.
• My face turns red and my voice gets shaky.
• I hate it when my mouth dries up- cottonmouth.
• I’m always afraid I might faint.
• I get sweaty and my stomach starts grumbling. I don’t want people looking at me in that condition which only causes more stress.

Control Your Nervousness

The term “glossophobia” is relatively unknown to most of us. It’s a fancy word for speaker anxiety. Wikipedia describes it as an intense anxiety just before or simply at the thought of having to verbally present to a group. It goes on to explain that people with glossophobia experience “physical distress, nausea or feeling of panic in such circumstances.”

Try Taking Deep Breaths

The power of taking deep breaths at the first sign of anxiety is real. Take nice, slow long breaths in through your nose, hold it and slowly exhale through your mouth. Do this several times while focusing on your breathing. This is a technique that many of my clients have found to be instantly helpful. It’s also such a subtle technique that you won’t draw attention to yourself while you’re doing it! It can slow your racing heart, calm your nerves and prevent your mind from swimming with negative self-talk.

Channel Your Energy

Accept the fact that feeling some increased tension is perfectly normal. In fact, view it positively. The increased energy will allow you to be more passionate about your topic. You may feel an adrenaline rush just like winning athletes feel as they cross the finish line… first! Redirect the physiological symptoms into an exciting delivery through strong vocal projection, natural, animated gestures and an expressive face. Your excitement will be contagious to your audience.

Clear Your Mind

Even successful, highly paid professional speakers feel anxiety right before going on stage.

Take a short walk before going on stage. This could be a simple walk around the building before heading inside to perform. It could be a short walk down the hall and back before entering the ballroom or conference room.

Listen to your favorite music. Speakers often rely on their portable music devices to listen to music that inspires them, relaxes them or creates just the right mindset for delivering their best presentation possible.

Visualize success. Winning athletes, actors, orators and singers share the practice of visualization. Picture yourself-actually see yourself-standing in front of your audience. See how they are hanging on every word that you speak. Notice their facial expressions as they respond to all your main points. Replace any negative thoughts with only thoughts and visual pictures of your best presentation ever!

With a few exceptions – like gravity, and death– everything is negotiable, even taxes. First, you need to believe it. Second you need to practice it.   

VALUE AND PRICING 

Is there such a thing as a “fixed price”?  Probably not.  According to economic theory the law of “supply and demand” governs pricing. And while this may be basically true, there are many other factors which enter into the equation. Furthermore, many of these factors are subjective. This means that there is room for negotiation.   

The “fair market value” concept comes into play as well. Pricing is supposed to be the result of what a willing buyer will pay to a willing seller. In other words, subjective, emotional and psychological considerations may be in operation. Perhaps the best examples of the application of this principle are in real estate transactions. What you may be willing to pay for a house may be significantly discrepant from what I may be willing to sell it for, or vice versa. The same concept holds true for property appraisers. These experts determine a value based comparable properties, features of the property, and their experience and education. However, their value may be influenced by an “offer” price and perhaps even lender guidelines, neighborhood trends, etc.   

Think about the last time you purchased a used vehicle, or a new automobile, for that matter. A friend of mine was a top salesman. He always said he liked to sell used cars because nobody knew the “true” value. Frequently the emotional component (i.e., “I love the car” or it “suits my image”), or the terms of the sale, override good judgment.   This discussion demonstrates that value and pricing, like beauty, are in the eyes of the beholder. And, the beholder will certainly be influenced by his position (buyer or seller), and by psychological factors.  

NEGOTIATION 

Negotiation is the process of bargaining.  Donald Trump fancies himself as an extraordinary negotiator, and wrote a best-selling book on the topic “The Art of the Deal.”  However, it was his attorney and corporate V.P., George Ross (of “Apprentice” fame) who made the techniques more concrete. In Trump Style Negotiation ( Wiley & Sons, 2006) he offers “Winning Negotiation Strategies from Donald Trump’s Right-Hand Man.”  Techniques such as “building trust, friendship, and satisfaction with the other side.” are discussed. Determining “what the other side wants,” then ascertaining their weaknesses are also covered.  Weaknesses can be such things as pride, lack of cash, need, etc. Offering solutions to your “adversary’s” problems is important, and so is convincing people that they got “more than they ever expected.” Such mundane, but important issues such as controlling the place and pace of negotiations can also be used to one’s advantage.  

IT’S A MINDSET

In the beginning of this article I say just about everything is negotiable, and that you need to believe it and practice it!  Many people are afraid to negotiate or inept at the process.  Just ask. You may find that the other party is willing to deal.   

Next time you visit your supplier, mechanic, roofer, tailor, department store, barber, dentist, restaurant, etc., ask if they can cut their price, or make you a deal.  Do they offer discounts?   Do they offer low cost financing?   Do they offer better terms?  Do they stand behind their product?  Will they offer extended service or replacement provisions?  Just ask.  Indicate that you are a serious and savvy buyer, cognizant of value, and that you are looking to build a “relationship” with them. You may be surprised at how often you will gain concessions.  Remember, almost everything is negotiable.